What if you want to get married but don’t want to have sex?

Salaam alykum,

The amount of variables that questions like this involve, I have no idea to where to start, but even more importantly, I honestly do not know how to answer these sorts of questions because it is not my area of expertise.

I am not a marriage counselor, I do not have any education or training in this area or any other area involving romantic relationships, sexuality, and other related areas. I can offer my advice, but, again, I’d rather not, mostly because I hope that you go to the appropriate resources for those sorts of questions (counseling services, etc), but also because that is not the purpose of this blog, as my About section clearly outlines and I’d hope the content of this blog affirms.

If I am quite frank, and this is not directed to you, anon, but as a general observation: the obsession on this website with marriage, relationships, and love is problematic, and I’ll tell you why: none of you are fully formed individuals. Even if you know what you want to do, you’re not at a point to be able to do it (finish education, etc) or you are having trouble taking care of yourself, and yet, you want to be in a position where another depends on you?

Stop romanticizing marriage and love. I realize this might not be the most conducive message to many, and perhaps it is too pragmatic and stoic, or even worse, betrays the limits that my male pea-brain can comprehend, but that’s the best I can offer, because that’s my mindset, informed by Islam, to be pragmatic.

Romance is important, love is critical for us to exist, but if you are unprepared for the emotional investment, you will hurt yourself and others.

This is not a condemnation of you all, this is advice I live by, and while my personal life is not going to be addressed in specifics, the simple reality is that until people here start taking on the responsibilities of adulthood, rather than the simple desires of being an adult, we will continue to live in this spiral.

I do not want this blog to become about love and relationships, because that is not what I am trained for, and to be very blunt, at the end of the day, people want someone to help rationalize their poor choices and I will not partake in that.

Anon, please ask your question to someone is better equipped at answering these questions, namely those who are counselors, because this is not an formal Islamic question where I can pick up Imam Shafi’i or Imam Al-Ghazali and find something for you, you have to talk to people with actual training in counseling, please.

I pray this reaches you and your families in the best of health and Iman, insha Allah.